I haven't blogged in a long time. And for that matter I haven't read any blogs in a while. It's because I'm unraveling. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams. For a solid year now I have been working full time along with going to school full time. It's taking its toll. I am constantly exhausted. I fall asleep at my desk at least once a day if not three times. Most of these are on my breaks but I'm a person who never needed naps before. Not even when I was a little girl! My mom told me I didn't have to sleep as long as I stayed on their bed and played Barbies. But now I've turned into a person that naps at almost every available moment. I've gotten to be a pro at napping too. I can manage to take a 5 minute nap while still being acutely aware of my surroundings (this is usually needed at work). I never had an internal alarm clock but all of a sudden I do when needed. On weekends I've been known to sneak in 2 naps a day. I feel like all I do is work, study, sleep, and run. I'm usually nauseous on a daily basis and getting burnt out.
Today I was wondering how my mother obtained 2 Masters' degrees and operated on 4 hours of sleep. And then I realized...she has a husband! Can I hire one of those? I only managed to do one load of laundry this week and that was just the wash. I never got around to drying them so this morning I wore a semi-wet shirt to work. My house is a mess. I won't invite anyone over right now because I haven't managed to find the time to clear the clutter on the kitchen table or the end table beside my couch. I'd better do it soon because next weekend I'm having a whole slew of people over for a cookout/birthday party. I'm way too exhausted to even feed myself properly. My fridge mostly consists of finger foods that I can grab and go.
And did I mention the running/exercise program I do 6 times a week? And the voice lessons every week? Or the constant keeping track of calories? And the incessant practice I do whenever I'm in my car in preparation for singing with 2 different local Raleigh bands in the near future? Oh, and I almost forgot helping out my friend obtain her Master's degree by editing her papers. I agreed to do this at the beginning of my own Master's program when things weren't so hectic. Or the person at work who is always asking me when I'm going to cook for them again. I'm being stretched way too thin...something's gotta give. I'm finding it difficult to focus at work and not focusing well on my school work either. Today I found myself staring out my office window for a solid 5 minutes. I'm not proud of this. I have a great work ethic so this is very abnormal behavior.
So universe, here is what I want. I want you to figure out a way where I can quit my job, take on a part-time waitressing job to cover the bills and be allowed to spend my days giving my all to my studies. Then, right as I graduate, I need a high-paying job so I can move into an apartment of my own. I need a great benefits package too. Thanks a bunch in advance!
2 comments:
I'm afraid one of these days, if you're not careful, your health is just going to plummet. If you're nauseous all the time it's a good sign your in bad shape. No matter how much exercise and eating right you do it can't make up for taking on too much.
I'm thinking you may have to tell the friend to edit her own papers. And tell one of the bands that you'd like to perform with that you only really have time for one.
Oh, and if it was your idea to throw a cookout/birthday party, what are you thinking?? If it's someone else's idea, let them do the work.
I told her last night I couldn't do it anymore. As for the cookout, I'm not doing anything except mixing a batch of margaritas. It's a neighborhood thing so I'm not really hosting it, just need to have my house clean in case someone needs to use the bathroom.
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